just rambling: are birthdays happy?

Do you guys get super pensive whenever your birthday is approaching? I'm in that place right now and it's totally freaking me out. I've been thinking a lot lately about where my life is going and I honestly just have no clue. Not having any answers really drives me nuts. I'm not trying to control everything in my life because I know damn well that's near impossible. I just wish I didn't feel so lost. Some days I feel like I wasted so much time (and let's not forget money) getting a degree I'm more than likely never going to use. But then other days I'm really grateful for that experience. Trying to be positive is just about the hardest thing I've ever faced. Swimming in that abyss of darkness is too easy, you know. I may be reaching 26, but I still feel like a kid. I'm tired of just getting by, I want to have constants and I want to have definites. I don't want my entire life planned out, but I would like some guidance or a minimal game plan at best. I'm probably asking for too much.

But let's keep it on a lighter note guys, I'm not totally emo, I am a little excited for my birthday because I get to hang out with D! I find my time with him so precious because we never have days off together. I know, what a cheeeeesseeeeebbbaaaaallll! If anything, guys, he's the only constant I know, having him keeps me more at ease and he's totally the reason I'm not completely falling apart at the seams.

I'm on the go, so I can't embed this video but just pretend I did.
It's just Jens Lekman's "are birthdays happy?", relax guys.