weekends

enjoying my weekend with D.  (lol his hat, i know. i know)

i hope you guys are having a good one too!

tuneage: loveishard (7th Annual Valentine's Day Playlist)

you guys, love is hard. you'll have good times but you will definitely have bad times. through your frustrations and all the mercury in retrogrades the year throws at you, you have times of great happiness. it's confusing, and it's crazy, and definitely unpredictable. you just have to be angry if you need to, then you have to reflect and then you have to decide a course of action. so you have your fights and if you choose to, you make up. sometimes it's just little things, other times it's big things that can be deal breakers. it's just a complicated mess, but we do it anyway. so yes, love is hard, and it's hard work. however, there's a satisfaction in having something you work hard for. 

7th Annual Valentine's Day Playlist

1. Little Jungles - Drive Yerself Crazy

2. Sailor & I - Talking to a Wall

3. Tame Impala - Feels Like We Only Go Backwards

4. The Clash - Should i Stay or Should I Go

5. The Beatles - We Can Work It Out

6. Austra - Forgive Me

7. The Jesus & Mary Chain - You Trip Me Up

8. Echo & The Bunnymen - Crystal Days

9. Patti Smith - Because The Night

10. Chapterhouse - Breather

11. Grimes - Symphonia IX (my wait is u)

12. Pop Levi - You Don't Gotta Run

13. Active Child - Take Shelter

14. Patrick Wolf - Together

15. Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks - Us

16. Yo La Tengo - Sugarcube

17. Wild Nothing - Nocturne

18. Beach Fossils - Face It


download here
learn to import a playlist here
listen on spotify (although i don't suggest it because it won't play a third of the songs)

or listen on 8tracks:

loveishard from atthisvolume on 8tracks Radio.

just rambling: are birthdays happy?

Do you guys get super pensive whenever your birthday is approaching? I'm in that place right now and it's totally freaking me out. I've been thinking a lot lately about where my life is going and I honestly just have no clue. Not having any answers really drives me nuts. I'm not trying to control everything in my life because I know damn well that's near impossible. I just wish I didn't feel so lost. Some days I feel like I wasted so much time (and let's not forget money) getting a degree I'm more than likely never going to use. But then other days I'm really grateful for that experience. Trying to be positive is just about the hardest thing I've ever faced. Swimming in that abyss of darkness is too easy, you know. I may be reaching 26, but I still feel like a kid. I'm tired of just getting by, I want to have constants and I want to have definites. I don't want my entire life planned out, but I would like some guidance or a minimal game plan at best. I'm probably asking for too much.

But let's keep it on a lighter note guys, I'm not totally emo, I am a little excited for my birthday because I get to hang out with D! I find my time with him so precious because we never have days off together. I know, what a cheeeeesseeeeebbbaaaaallll! If anything, guys, he's the only constant I know, having him keeps me more at ease and he's totally the reason I'm not completely falling apart at the seams.

I'm on the go, so I can't embed this video but just pretend I did.
It's just Jens Lekman's "are birthdays happy?", relax guys.

goals for the year

so i don't ever really make New Year's Resolutions and that's partly because i never really intend on keeping them. and yes, i know it's a little late to even be talking about this but you know me, i dance to the beat of my own drum, so gimme a break. anyway, after much reflection, i realized i just need to draw out a gameplan, because i'm an aquarius and i need lists. so my goals to strive for this year are as follows:

• make our apartment feel lived in

so D & i moved in together last year and you'll be horrified to know that i only this week unpacked all of my books from the boxes that have been lined up against the wall for a whole year now. so you can only imagine what a state of disarray everything is. it's not even organized chaos, it's just absolute chaos. scary chaos. like, i want to light this room on fire chaos, if you can imagine that. i know it will be a long and arduous process because in order to do the things i want to do i have to have funds available and that all depends on saving and working and as you all know saving takes time. i'm not worried about it and i'm certainly not impatient to get it all done. i like keeping busy and i'm a very indecisive person so having time to think about things is good. i mean, i've got several versions of groundplans already...because i'm putting a semester of hand drafting to good use...i could also say computer drafting but let's be honest guys, i don't remember how to use vectorworks. womp womp. in the meantime, i'm using this pinterest board to keep all of my decoration ideas in place. 

(complete state of disarray. don't worry i've organized it since then, more pictures later)

• get healthy! part 1: eat better

if you've been following me on instagram then you're aware that D & I kissed all the bad stuff in our pantry goodbye last year. it was a difficult move because i love cake (spoken like a true fat kid right there sheesh) but since there is a history of diabetes and heart disease (and actually anything terrible you can think of) that runs in my family, it was a necessary preventive measure. i was starting to feel really lethargic and tired because i wasn't eating right and i was certainly not getting any exercise. we've been taking baby steps, since D's UC diagnosis kicked our butts into gear, but we've been making lots of headway. i even made and perfected Danielle Walker's paleo bread recipe & it's amazing! so i don't cry over sandwiches anymore. hehe. i still have my "cheat days" but i hope to eventually phase them out or at least make them less frequent and of course we're trying to eat at home more often and cook healthy meals. it's just we have such a small kitchen that sometimes cooking (or the cleaning rather) gets really overwhelming. but we're def. going to try to keep up with it)

       part 2: exercise more / go outdoors

for a while there we were being really active going hiking at least twice a week. but then my schedule changed and i never get time off at the same time as D so our outdoor activities have suffered from that. i really want to change this and be active again. i don't think i ever have felt as good as the time that i changed my diet and began to exercise and go outdoors. that vitamin D makes you feel good i suppose. but seriously, i want to go back to hiking and just going outside. i've spent way too much of my life being a hermit. D's schedule will be changing in march so i know we can squeeze in some outdoor time then at least. for now though, walking to places by myself will have to suffice. i never thought i would say this but i thoroughly enjoy not having a car. walking to places has really changed my outlook on life and appreciating the little things (like amazing sunrises!).

(from one of our hikes)

• get rid of clutter

small apartment living is so hard when you have accumulated as much stuff as i have. i don't even have all of my things here! i still have a lot of things i need at my parents house but i want to make it my mission this year to bring everything over (especially my drafting table, i REALLY need that) and condense everything by at least half! okay who am i kidding half isn't going to happen, but hey at least i want to TRY and get rid of stuff that i'm not using. being a costumer by trade is tough because you literally think you will need absolutely everything. but, since i have decided not to continue pursuing costume design (more on that later, trust me it's a lengthy one) i think it's time to condense and get rid of unnecessary things. i'm the kind of person that saves everything, okay a pack rat if you will, thinking that one day i will need it, but i really want to stop that, because i'm probably one step away from being on a episode of Hoarders. 

• explore!

i've been pretty much of a hermit as of late using the "i don't have a car so i can't go anywhere" excuse. but really, now that i've pretty much mastered public transportation, i want to start going to more places whether or not people want to accompany me or not. i really need to break out of the shell i created for myself and just go out there and explore! there's so many things i wanna do and places i want to see and i have realized that i just need to push myself to go out there and do it myself. having to take public transportation has really opened my eyes and helped me mobilize myself without anyone's help and that's a really huge step for me. now that i have learned how to take the train i'm definitely going to do more things. i can't wait!

(part of the Berlin wall! showing across the street from LACMA. it was just randomly out on the grass!)

• learn to ride a bike

this one pretty much is a continuation of the previous thing i listed but i'm totally serious. i want to add biking to places to my transportation repertoire. and to be quite honest, i never really learned how to ride a bike. the last time i had a bike it had training wheels. i've been researching bikes to get (and helmets too because safety is of the utmost importance to me) and i've got so many options i don't even know what to decide on (usual indecisive me).  but i hope that getting a bike will add to my transportation freedom while also helping me exercise. wins all around!

(got my eye on this little guy from Adeline Adeline bike shop)

• spend time more time with friends/family

because of my previously mentioned hermit life i feel like my friendships have suffered. partly it's also because going out means spending money i dont have but i really want to put an end to that. i will find ways to see my friends more often because i just can't be a hermit forever. i miss them and i miss interacting with other human beings. plus also i haven't been spending time with my family and i miss them all the time. my sister's kids are growing so fast and i'm so afraid to miss out on their young lives. i had an amazing aunt who left such a big impression on me and i feel like i have an important responsibility to be a good aunt as well. plus, i'm not sure if i'll ever have kids, so might as well take advantage of this situation right?

(trivia dudes. missing a few teammates)

• blog more

because you all have been witness to my lack of updating. i had every intention on using this blog with frequency but i have to admit i sort of ran into a wall when it came to deciding what i wanted the blog to be about. it's not a fashion blog, it's not a music blog, it's just not a niche blog. i guess the simplest description is it's a lifestyle blog, if you can even call it that. it's just my little piece of internet real estate where i can talk about anything i want and get things off my chest. i'm going through a weird phase in my life where i'm stuck between two different personal style descriptions and i want to be able to finally figure that out. so yeah, outfit posts will happen. i don't think this will ever be a blog with scheduled days of things, so just bare with me. let's go on this journey one day a time.

Hamburger Helper

first of all, i have to tell you guys...bare with me here with the grocery store outfit photos. i think it's pretty hilarious, but seriously, i have no other time to take photos and i feel like the blog has been quiet lately solely based on the fact that i just don't have any photos to post. D & i never have time off together during the day and we only ever go out to the grocery because we're boring old people, so here were are. also, we'll have to deal with crappy iphone photos for now my loves, because i just can't be bothered to carry a giant dslr everywhere with me. until i buy a nice dslr quality point and shoot type of camera, this will have to do!

on a more sartorial note here, can we talk about how i'm actually really into flares as of late? i loved them in jr. high and then after that i was just grossed out by them. i couldn't get past them. but nowwwww, i want all the flares! maybe it's all the 70s rock music i've been listening to lately that's really influencing my mood which in turn influences what i wear. that's just how it works and i'm totally not mad about it. 

remember how i mentioned that i mixed teal dye with black and ended up with a witchy green? well, here it is! you normally can't even tell but i think it really pops out with this chartreuse sweater. also, too bad we didn't get a closer shot of this rad zodiac necklace, but take my word for it about how it's both equally creepy and awesome. the water bearer's face is just hilarious.

coat: tulle, sweater: urbanog, top: ruche, bottoms: urban outfitters (scored on major sale! sold out, similar), boots: frye via macys, glasses: derek cardigan via coastal, necklace: anthropologie, rings: vintage & threadsence, lip color: wet n' wild megalast in purty persimmon no. 970

all in all, i had a freaking amazing weekend of pure relaxation. i had thurs and fri off work so technically i had a four day weekend! sadly, i didn't get to spend much time with D to go out and play, but it was nice to get some relaxation time after the crazy holiday work hours i had been working. i've spent my weekend cooking like crazy and i'm super stoked! i've been trying a lot of Diane Sanfilippo's recipes from her newest book Practical Paleo and i have not been disappointed. now that we have car access it's easier for us to drive out and get grass-fed meats and organic produce for our paleo meals. don't worry guys, when i'm out with friends i'll go ahead and eat that cupcake, i just cook paleo mostly for my guy. it's just easier if we both do it and i'm not being that jerk eating a sandwich in front of the poor boy. but i'm not going to lie, eating paleo has made me feel more energized and i no longer feel lethargic all the time--let's face it i was heading towards prediabetes there, and i'm not kidding, it runs in my family. but let's leave all that diet business for another time!